I just want some cat food damnit!

Our felines have refined tastes. The stray girl is particularly fussy about what she eats. I think she can read how expensive it is, so anything that might have been on special at the supermarket really isn't edible thank you... in fact she would rather starve. You can tell by the expression on her fastidious little face that she is extremely insulted that you presumed to feed her such junk food, it's enough to make a grown woman (me) cringe under her supercilious gaze.

So our cats eat things that come in small packets or tins, and Iams. (actually they supplement this with the odd freshly dead thing and sometimes something that has been dead for some time, but that doesn't count according to them) Iams is in fact the only dried food they will deign to eat, every thing else is much too suburban for cats of their calibre (over the years the chooks have got to eat a variety of cat food). I've heard the occasional nasty thing about the manufacture of Iams too, and I have told the cats but they don't care.

Anyway we were buying the Iams at one of the petshops in town. Until today. Now I am so irritated that I am never going back there. They have been training their staff. In fact they have been training their staff to be downright nosy. I think I have been into this particular shop five or six times in the last eight months. While I am peacefully browsing round I have, each time, been accosted by a young sales assistant who earnestly offers to help me find whatever I am looking for. When the offer is declined, on the grounds that I am not entirely sure what I am looking for but will know it if I see it, she (as it is invariably a female sales assistant) hangs round asking what sort of animals I have, what are their names, are they any particular breed, how old are they, etc etc. After five minutes of conversation during which I have indicated by my reluctance to answer and my expression that I don't want to relate the entire history of my pets to her I am obliged to give up browsing, grab whatever I went in for, pay for it and leave because I can not concentrate on what I was looking at anyway.

I always wondered if I fitted their profile of a likely shoplifter. I think they have a store policy of asking these things on the grounds that it makes the customer feel important to be able to talk about their animals. It doesn't have that effect on me.

After today I give up. I was in a moderate sort of hurry, so into the shop grab the bag of Iams and am heading towards the counter when ohoh here she comes, standing in my way so I can't get to the counter..
Her: "Hello can I help"
Me: thinks wouldn't have thought it looked as though I was having any problems here with a bag of cat food. "No thanks"
Her: "You must have a cat. What is it's name."
Me: Right if I am vaguely polite for 30 seconds she might get out of my way. "Yes I do have a cat thanks. Actually I have two."
Her: "That's nice, they like having friends don't they."
Me: God what is this playschool? How inane is this.. "no they don't actually, they would both prefer to be only cats if they had a choice."
Her: giggling. "Oh that's sad. Have you got any other pets?"
Me: Trying to sidle past her but she won't move over. "Ummm yes" Immediately think You fool why did you say yes!
Her: " Oh that's nice, what other pets have you got?"
Me: Listen young lady I am old enough to be your mother don't talk down to me... "Oh all sorts, look I'm in a bit of a hurry."
Her: "Oh busy day with all your pets is it." Scarily enough I don't think she is being sarcastic here I think she is dead serious. Obviously she has perceived me to be retarded or something, or perhaps she is...
Me: "Something like that. Excuse me."
Her: following me now "Have your cats been wormed lately..."
Me: "Yes"
Her: "Have they got enough toys."
Me: "Yes" Phew I've got to the counter, maybe she'll go away and annoy someone else.
Her: "Which vet do you take them to?"
As there is a shop assistant on the other side of the counter I hand over the Iams and my credit card and ignore the persistant person at my elbow, who continues...
Her: "Do your other animals need anything? What sort of animals did you say you had again."
Me: " No they don't need anything. " What is it about this girl that she can't get the message?
Her: "are you sure"
Me: "very sure thank you."
She finally gets the idea, spots another hapless customer and leaves with a "nice talking to you."
Me: That's what you think.

That's the end, I am not going back there. I have had enough of playing inane games with silly shop assistants. What is it about me that gives them all the impression I want to tell them all!

Anyone know of a pet shop that doesn't have shop assistants? Maybe I should buy online.

I'm whispering - not wishing to jinx it

But there has been no noisy parties from our noisy neighbours since last Wednesday. A whole week without any noise. This is a record of some sort.... long may it last.

Blog Spam

To those anonymous people who put comments with links to their sites...

1 I usually delete them
2 I NEVER look at the links
3 If you bothered to say something that actually referred to the post you commented on I might be inclined to leave them...
4 If you aren't a real person you won't be able to comment any more since I have enabled word verification.

Not that I suppose you even read the blog in question before posting so you won't read this...

I'd show you a photo

of the guest bedroom stacked to the ceiling (almost) with the contents of my study. But somewhere in there are all three digital cameras I currently have in my possession.

Husband tried to move my favourite bookcase without emptying it and it collapsed into a heap of wood and books (but he feels guilty enough to let me buy a bigger one so it isn't TOO tragic, and actually it was only my third favourite bookcase as the two favourite rimu ones grace the living area - I just said it was my favourite when it collapsed to ensure he fully comprehended the enormity of his error.)

So the study is now empty and half ready for painting.

I'm not sure I will ever get it sorted out again....

Yesterday we took 11 trailerloads of firewood from round the property and stacked it in the woodshed which now has about three square feet of spare room. I'm guessing that there is about 5 cords of wood in there, and still a fair few uncut logs lying round the property. I think we will give the rest of it away to anyone who wishes to cut and carry it. With a couple of dozen large eucalypts around the place and about 50 more planted over winter I doubt we will have a firewood shortage in the near future. My legs ache from all that exercise yesterday. Strangely enough my arms and shoulders don't.

The cheek of some people!

Further to our fall out with the neighbours...

We've had some guys with chainsaws and logsplitters in yesterday and today cutting and splitting some of the wood that is lying round the place for next winter.

One of them came in to report that he had cut and split a large log over in our back paddock when the neighbour... the noisy one... came up to say that it was his log!

Don't think so!

Guess we should pick up that wood asap...

And now I have broadband in the garden

and the garage, and halfway down the paddocks, and maybe (given that the cordless works) even at the neighbours.

Wireless rocks!

Just off to set up my security and see if I can get the laptop connected to the printers...

I surf so fast...

Ha! I have broadband. Now I'm not sitting for hours waiting for pages to load I will be able to:

1 Watch more TV
2 Do the housework
3 Write more on my blog
4 Get more exercise
5 Talk to my husband...

And I can ring my mother and check my email at the same time!

How awesome is that!

It's war!

We have, on the whole, awesome neighbours. It's a caring tight knit community without anyone getting in your face. Tools and trailers are borrowed and returned, stock are rotated round the neighbourhood so the poorest doers get the best grazing, drenches and other items best bought in bulk are shared, and every now and then we have a drink together.

Except (and there is always an except isn't there) for one lot. Who have mates with gang patches, and a different perspective on life. They don't have any stock, instead they have a great collection of weeds - probably sheltering plantings of things it is illegal to grow. And a collection of abandoned vehicles, and some dogs that they don't necessarily control. The house is in a state of advanced lack of maintenance. In fact it lacks doors and windows because they have been broken and not replaced. All of which would be fine (except maybe the dogs) if they didn't otherwise bother us.

When we first moved in they didn't bother us a lot. They had the occasional party, but not too frequently, and they came over and borrowed the phone every now and then, but only made local calls.

In the last month or so they have been living a lot harder, the parties have increased in duration and frequency - now up to two or three a week - and the stereo has got so loud that we can't sleep through it with all the windows shut (they must be extremely deaf over there as they are a reasonable distance away). On top of the music the occasional fight breaks out and there is more noise as they smash the house up some more and scream abuse at each other or just scream. We stopped letting them borrow the phone after the toll bill came in so they go up the road and make toll calls on another neighbours phone, a woman on her own who is too scared to tell them they can't use the phone until they pay the toll bill plus some more for next time, which is what we did.

The scary bit is there are children in that house... who are absent when the school bus does its run on the mornings after a party...

One of the neighbours called the dog ranger as she watched five dogs as a pack wander through everyones property snapping at the heels of every animal they found on the way while their owner watched them and made no attempt to call them back. The dog ranger came out, unfortunately found only two dogs present but removed one unregistered one.

So I got stroppy and told them I would shoot any dog I found on my property. It probably wasn't a good move... (especially as I don't have a gun so can't follow that through) as I was treated with a fair amount of disdain for my efforts.

Now we are taking turns round the neighbourhood ringing noise control on party nights. Sometimes we don't get it right and noise control is inundated with complaints every ten minutes. The first time we did it they went out and rang back to say they would not be going back without the police. We replied that they should call the police then as the stereo was still going. They didn't that night. The next party they did turn up with the police. Which was effective and silence descended. But obviously they had some beer left over because they had another one two nights later. And when the cops and noise control showed up there was too many of them to enforce the peace and the cops retreated. (we suggested to them when they reported this to us that they should not tolerate threats of violence to police and tear gas or the armed defenders was a good solution...) at three in the morning, in need of sleep, and due to get up to go to work again in three and a half hours, they were lucky I didn't have access to a firearm because if I had had I would have used it. The next day I picked a couple of dozen bottles, half a dozen hard boiled eggs, three or four plates, an onion and a TV remote out of the horse paddock. I took great pleasure at hurling the remote into their watertrough, luckily none of the bottles were broken and the horses tend to stick to the other side of the paddock... but I was not amused and told the police about it among our other chats. They have suggested to the council that the state of the house makes it uninhabitable and they should be issued with an order to repair or vacate it but the council isn't that interested.

Last night they had another party. "It's only Wednesday" said the girl at noise control as husband took the cordless phone outside so she could hear the noise. He explained that he didn't think the day of the week mattered a lot to people who didn't work anyway.... so eventually a lot of cops and the noise control turned up and the music stopped for half an hour before it restarted. The police have a few more thoughts on the matter but I was too tired this morning to take in what they were planning to do next.

Went outside shortly after this discussion to find someone has rammed our mailbox and flattened it during the night. Must have been an accident.... yeah right! As it was attached to a 4 by 4 post I hope the vehicle used sustained some good damage.

Not sure who is going to win this one...

I'm glad my children have grown up

We have had a two year old (and his parents) staying for a couple of days.

I am so pleased I no longer have a two year old... and that I am never going to have another two year old.

This one was generally pretty good natured but not overly disciplined. Actually I think I became somewhat unpopular when I told him sharply not to argue the other night... maybe I was less intolerant when my kids were little, or maybe mine didn't argue with me, I can't remember. Anyway I am too old to put up with repeated "No"s to a perfectly reasonable request.

Nice to see them come, nice to see them go...

There is no loss without some small gain....

I was facing two more doses of chemo, nasty nausea creating stuff that takes a looong time (6 hours) to drip into you. Boring all round.

But I won't be getting them now, because the latest scan indicates they aren't working any more (the first two doses had a good result, the second two didn't halt the tumour at all).
So it's time to try something else and I don't have to have the last two doses. Which is a relief in a way because I wasn't looking forward to them.

It appears I gained 14kg and lost all my hair for nothing... the new drugs have only minor hair thinning and loss of appetite possible side effects, so maybe we'll reverse that.

It isn't over yet, not by a long shot.

Just right now it feels very bad...

Yesterday I was going to write an "I hate Telecom" post

And it would have been here now had I not fallen off my dial up internet connection and lost it.

And things have moved along - today I feel far more charitable about them.

Yesterday I rang the "Xtra get broadband" phone number. I was put through to Brian. Now I can only advise that if you ring Xtra and get Brian that you hang up and call back later. If you are inclined to high blood pressure, heart problems, hyperventilating or similar I suggest you have your medication on hand before you attempt any conversation with Brian. In short Brian is a bumped up little smartarse.

Anyway I got Brian. I explained with reasonable civility that whenever Xtra ran a line check on my phone line they found I could not have Broadband because I was too far from the exchange, but my neighbour had it so obviously I wasn't too far from the exchange.

"Is this a near neighbour or are you talking about someone a couple of kilometres down the road?" asks Brian with just a hint of sarcasm.

"I am talking about 5o metres away, close enough to use our cordless phone at their place."
"Well you must have a good cordless phone!"
Still feeling reasonably civil I tell him that since it cost $99 three years ago and is still working fine I do consider our cordless phone a good one, but I wouldn't call it a state of the art appliance.
"hmm" says Brian. "They probably have satelitte, what's their phone number?"
I tell him their phone number.. I wait while he looks it up. "Yes they MIGHT have Jetstream" he says in due course. "But that doesn't mean you can have it as the tests say it won't work on your phone line, so you can't"

"Well could you explain to me what the difference is, between them and me, because I cannot see why it should work at their place and not ours, if there is a fault in our line perhaps someone would be good enough to fix it for me. I don't understand this. "

"No, it's just the way it is, you can't have it, we aren't obliged to supply you with anything, or fix anything. This happens all the time next door neighbours often can't get what their neighbours get. You should go and live in town then you can have Jetstream. Otherwise you can have satellite, every single person in the whole country can have that. I spend all day talking to people like you."

Something snaps at about this point. "Do not tell me where I should and shouldn't live thank you, I am not prepared to pay for satellite installation, and I want to talk to your supervisor."

"Why? She'll tell you exactly the same thing. We don't have to provide you with anything, I don't even have to keep talking to you. Anyway you can't talk to her she's not available"

"Right well give me her name and email address. And your name"
"Why? It won't do you any good, you won't get broadband."
"At this point I don't care, I am going to complain to someone."
"Well it is a waste of time."
"As I said I don't care, I am going to complain. Can I have her name and e-mail address and your name?"
So he gives me his supervisors name and e-mail, but won't give me his surname. In the end he gives me his employee number. In between every detail he tells me that I am wasting my time, I will not achieve anything, and I am not entitled to anything anyway so I have no right to suggest that they should be providing me with anything. I thank him somewhat abruptly and hang up.

I e-mail his supervisor. This is made a little difficult by the fact that he appears to have given me an e-mail address that doesn't work. Mind you I could have written it down incorrectly between being told I am wasting my time and everyone else will tell me exactly the same thing. I play with the spelling a little and get the right e-mail the third time. Supervisor must have only been out for a short time because she replies immediately advising she will refer my case to the technicians to see if anything can be done, and she just so happened to have my conversation with Brian recorded as part of the random recording for training they do, so she would listen to it later and look into my complaint that he was rude and unhelpful. There is some small satisfaction in just complaining about Brian, even if I never get broadband.

Get home this evening and there is a phone call from the supervisor asking me to ring her so they can organise a installation of Jetstream to see if it will work at my place. I'm still taking this in when the phone rings and it is the evening shift supervisor who had inherited the problem when the morning supervisor went home and thought she would just ring me on the off chance she could catch me. She is very very sorry about Brian. Lots of people with more authority than Brian have now listened to the tape of our conversation and they are all somewhat amazed and quite appalled that he spoke to me like that. Further training will be applied to Brian immediately as he cannot treat people like this. I smirk but am extremely gracious in accepting the apology.

Now lets sort my broadband installation out.

They are coming next week to install Jetstream to see if it will work. The line is marginal but it could well work fine. We may need a special modem, but will try the standard one first.

YES!

(And Brian..... up yours)

Now I am furious

Remember Telecom - who couldn't supply me with any form of fast internet access unless I coughed up $3000.

Have just had the neighbour over to borrow my PC to send piccies of their new baby to her grandparents as their 'puter hard drive has died.

"Slow internet connection" he says "I've got really used to broadband"

"Have you got broadband?" I'm stunned and stuttering. We are so close our cordless phone works at their place....

"Yeah, had it for about a month" he says.

"At your house... did it cost you $3000?"

"Yep at our house" now he's looking at me as if he has just decided I'm a bit simple. "No, didn't cost anything, Xtra are offering a deal at the moment, free modem and connection."

Telecom - just you wait... it was a month ago that you told me I couldn't have it. Boy are you going to hear from me!

I hate those meeces to pieces

The first ever pet I had - at three years old - was a little white mouse. About two weeks after I was given her she produced 11 little pink (but turned white) babies. So mice don't particularly bother me, in that I don't jump when I see one, and will quite happily hold one.

But there are limits.

It's raining again and avoiding the housework I went to carry out some rearrangement of the shed that holds horse gear and feed. Well overdue rearrangement I might add.

When I was a pony mad child /teenager I had a miserly father who refused to buy me any horse gear. Now that is not STRICTLY true, I had more than adequate and often indulgent parenting, but I ended up with a complex, brought on by sheer jealousy of those uppity little girls at ponyclub who had every single piece of horsegear ever invented, and a horse float, while my horse had the basics and we had to hitch rides if we wanted to go anywhere that wasn't within hacking distance.

The result of this is I have been buying horse stuff ever since, and the collection is now rather large. In fact there are 27 horse covers for three horses - two of which would probably never notice if they never wore a cover at all. So this is the level of indulgence I have reached now I am in possession of a reasonable amount of disposable income. This is probably not good when I contemplate it.

So I've been down in the shed sifting through covers, and saddles, and bridles, and halters, and the 20 lead ropes there appears to be, and grooming gear and .... well most things really. From the mess there are a large number of mice living in there. I only saw two - or maybe three - live ones though. One that was living in the lining of a cover in a carefully chewed hole lined with bits of hay, I flicked him or her outside, and the one that was living in a saddle blanket that ran up my arm, over my shoulder and down my back to escape - which sort of produced the eeeekkkk factor I don't normally have.

Mission accomplished and some order emerging from the mess I went to get some lunch leaving the burmese on guard in the shed. He turned up about five minutes later with a live mouse (not sure if this is one of my originals or a new one he found) which he promptly let go beside the freezer. So that's where it is - under the freezer.

I found a couple of dead ones too. Husband suggested they died from shock at finding so much food in one place.

My next mission - to find and set some mouse traps.

On a (redecorating) roll

We now have the freezer in the dining room, the washing machine in the middle of the floor, the shelving that used to be on the laundry wall out on the verandah, the cleaning products in several new places....


And plaster and dust everywhere in the laundry.

After that I'm told it's the guest bedroom and then my study (nooooo... I'll never find anything again)

Forget spring cleaning - redecorate.

Husband woke up on Saturday morning with a vision of tidying up the bathroom. His memory is short, it was only a few months ago we repainted the previously lime green ensuite and he spent hours moaning about painting round the vanity unit and the toilet... So we went and got lost in one of those horrendously big hardware stores (where I got so bamboozled by the range of items for sale that I never picked up the thing I have been intending to buy for ages - a garden seat) and came out with some paint, a range of towel rails, a shower door (to replace the mouldy shower curtain), a new shower fitting, and considerably less money.

We then went home and put plaster in the holes in the walls and sanded the whole thing down. The first coat of paint went on at about 10 pm last night.

Work continued this morning but I opted for marital harmony and left him to it. In a small space with paint involved we are guaranteed to have a domestic.

Instead I dug over the glasshouse, carted a couple of wheelbarrows of horse manure into it and forked it over again, got the horses in and gave them a thorough brushing and was contemplating a ride but it rained so I skipped that. (This is quite sad, 25 years ago rain wouldn't have stopped me, I would have just gone bareback to save getting the saddle wet.... these days I don't ride at all without a saddle and I definitely don't ride in the rain.)

Went back inside and husband had finished the bathroom and also painted the hall which previously bore the marks of someones children running amuck with coloured pencils.

I did of course make all the appropriate noises before he got down to fitting all those shiny new accessories to the bathroom. It looks amazingly different, uncluttered, clean, modern. Needs new towels...

Then I demanded he go and admire my weedfree, manured glasshouse. He did say the right things - before he suggested it would have been easier just to put the chooks in there for a day or two.

I needed the exercise... I must have, I'm exhausted.

And still more on pest eradication

Chatting to the neighbours over the fence last night at horse feeding time. They have a new cat who is currently sorting out with our cats where he might be permitted to wander. They are doing the territory divide up fairly amiably with more glaring than fighting so will no doubt sort it out soon.

New neighbourhood cat is apparently a hunter extrodinaire who spent a great deal of yesterday guarding a rabbit hole and pouncing on anything that emerged from it. Neighbour said puddy had had four rabbits yesterday.... or it might have only been two as it is possible he caught the same one three times....
Being unwilling to kill a poor defenseless rabbit he spent the afternoon rescuing the bunny from the clutches of the cat and returning it to the rabbit hole.....

Less nice things about rural living

There was a possum in the live trap yesterday morning so husband dispatched it before going to work and left it (actually a her) in the cage until he came home. I wandered out later to find a bald baby possum scrabbling round the cage trying to escape.

Yuukkkk, they have to die but sometimes you feel so nasty....

Dumped the whole lot in the rainwater barrel which was full enough to completely cover the cage. Hopefully it was quick...

Blah - but it's all good

WORST dose of chemo ever yesterday and today I am just about at the point where I wonder if dying isn't preferable to feeling like this. Not good - but it will pass.

The good news is it is working, the scan shows the tumours are definitely smaller, so I just have to hang in there. Half way through, three doses down and three to go.

Hmmm - famous in my own mind?

Was over at Sunny O seeing if Llew had been up to anything in the last 24 hours and found a new link on his sidebar Generation Blog - New Zealand Bloggers Aggregator (well a previously unexplored link anyway, not sure how long it has been there) and there I am... along with some interesting other people (far more interesting than me).

Not sure what to say really - doubt I'm worthy. Good site for avid blog readers.

Big horse can't jump

Given the fact that I am dead lazy I avoid walking down the farm twice a day to feed anyone with a complex arrangement of electric fencing that gives the horses a track up to the yard and their dinner while keeping them off the paddocks that are regrowing grass (it is to be hoped they are growing anyway) . One day we might get the fencing all sorted and a raceway down the property so we can drive or whatever. The cows are currently on holiday at the neighbours which saves a bale of hay a day.

This morning we moved the horses into about an eighth of the very back paddock. Offer them new grass and they all go 'Wahoo' and canter round kicking their heels up for at least half an hour. This annoys me somewhat as they tear up all this good grass but can't think of a way to stop them so I just enjoy watching them being happy horses.

Today they were playing games round a log that is lying on the ground in their new bit. The minis jump it, but Kiwi can't jump... it has obviously never occurred to him that he can go over things rather than round. So here they are in a line, with Calypso the smallest leading... pops over the log, kicks his heels in the air and carries on, followed by Brandy who also jumps it and clears off after him. Kiwi bringing up the rear canters up to the log, goes "Eek that is at least a foot and a half high" jams on the brakes, trots round the log and charges down the paddock with his tail in the air. Clueless animal... at least it means he stays behind baby sized electric fences.

Headhunting

Man I know a little who works for a rival company turned up on my doorstep yesterday and after enquiring after my health (which he had heard about because this town is full of gossip) said I should see him if I ever wanted to discuss a change of employment. I said thanks I would - see him if I ever wanted to...

Flattering, and I've been sidled up to before and offered jobs, but sort of weird... I didn't think I under-rated my talents but perhaps I'm even better than I thought.

Thinking about the last post

I suspect Telecom secretly hates anyone who lives in town too - it's only the money that they like.

Have emailed them pointing out their obligations - with a cut and paste out of their own website extolling the virtues of their wonderful fast internet for country people, which nearly everyone can get!

They have advised me that I am not apparently nearly everyone and they are sorry about that but I am a special case.
Funny, I was a special case in Nelson too. In fact we were so special up our valley 10 minutes out of Nelson that people couldn't even get a phone line for six months because despite being paid by the subdivider to provide a phone line to every LSB Telecom hadn't provided sufficient lines.

And fast internet in Nelson? In ya dreams...

I HATE monopolies

Telecom secretly hates anyone who lives in the country

Or perhaps not so secretly.

Yeah I know we live 5km down a gravel road. But honestly that doesn't mean we live in the middle of no where... in fact we are conveniently positioned with good (if a little muddy) access to most places. And it isn't as though the nearest neighbour is miles away.

I am sick of slow dial up internet access. And as work will probably make a contribution to faster access I have been trying to get some.

Broadband - no, the exchange is too old, and they have no plans to upgrade it, but they will note my interest in broadband. I might be able to get wireless...

Wireless - no, the nearest wireless access is in Pyes Pa, that's about 15km away. Now come on we can get cell phone reception here (admittedly not great but we can get it) wireless works through cellphone towers why can't I have wireless? Just can't, but they'll note my interest. Satellite is the only option.

Satellite - maybe, that will be $3000. Oh right. I'll think about this a little more.

Wasn't there some agreement, in fact Telecom have a contract, to supply broadband to the rural community?

I am SO not impressed.

Just in case you were confused

I've been having a wee tiki tour round the central north island today, Been to T places - Tirau, Tokaroa, Taupo... missed Turangi, might go Friday... I enjoy those sort of days, admiring the countryside, other peoples stock and the idiocycrises of small towns.

I followed the truck in the photo for about 20km, and in the end had to get a photo of it. The small print on the sign says "Anything else could be" A timely reminder since I am not that good at sticking to the speed limit. I blame cars for this - if they weren't meant to go faster than 100kph they shouldn't be able to. (Note too for all my lawlessness the four accidents I have had in my driving life were all at speeds of less than 50kph)

The reason this sign amused me is that he spent most of the time travelling about 20km above the speed limit - must have got an exemption when he got the sign.

Lost my work ethic

The morning has gone like this:

6:30 Get up, shower, dress, get first coffee, feed horses and chooks, I'm gonna start work early today
7:25 Just check my private email before I start work
7:29 Might just have a quick look on the web, after all official work time is 8am
8:16 Oops, check work emails
8:18 Better start with something simple... think about what I will start with for a minute.
8:20 Get a cup of coffee and a piece of toast
8:27 Wipe butter from the keyboard, feed the fish.
8:31 Open appropriate files, gaze at them.
8:36 Check pedometer and do four lengths of the verandah
8:42 Now I'm going to do some work
8:44 Drink coffee brush teeth and take a vitamin
8:46 Look for new batteries for the electric toothbrush
8:51 Replace batteries, brush teeth again, growl at cat who is scratching sofa
8:55 Back to work
8:58 Make more coffee
9:01 Back to work
9:15 That went well... drink coffee, do four more lengths of the verandah, growl at cat again.
9:28 Remember I was going to ring someone. look for their phone number. Clean out my handbag
9:48 Make phone call.
10:00 Morning tea time, have had enough coffee get a cup of orange tea instead.
10:16 Right now I need to do something now
10:32 check the internet for something I need to find out (work related) drop in to see who's blogged today
10:50 Do some more work
11:13 Do six lengths of the house and two of the verandah
11:24 Check the mailbox
11:36 Wonder what I'll have for lunch
11:45 decide to blog about this straight after I've had lunch, checked the emails, read the mail and growled at the cat again
THEN I'M GOING TO WORK ALL AFTERNOON

Just daily dramas.

I had a craving for smoked salmon yesterday. With cream cheese on french bread. I could taste it on my tongue. Nothing else looked edible in comparison. There was nothing for it but to go shopping.

Also needed horse food. So I decided to go to Te Puke rather than Tauranga, pretty much the same distance but less traffic in Te Puke - well that was the theory anyway.

Have never been to the farm stores in Te Puke so I was a bit perplexed when the first two did not stock sugarbeet of any description - bit of a problem as this is Kiwi's staple diet, he loves the stuff. So had to go to the farmstore I never shop at cos I don't like them. They must have noted I don't like them, and I kept my facial expressions carefully neutral too, as two blokes (as in shop 'assistants') watched me heave three 25kg bags of feed into a trolley while offering advise on what brand I should be selecting. Now I know I'm a big strapping girl quite capable of hauling a few feed sacks round.... but... downright rude really. Had to put it in the car myself too. So I still don't like them.

Proceeded out of farm store carpark and to the first roundabout (Te Puke is full of roundabouts) where some idiot who is obviously confused about the new roundabout rules proceeds to go right round the roundabout without indicating at all and then has the cheek to offer me an obscene gesture when I have to brake to avoid him - since I was under the mistaken impression he was going straight ahead. Refrain from road rage... refrain from road rage... breath in, out....

Quick detour round the supermarket to grab that salmon and I find a checkout where the last customers are down to the final five items, and join the queue. This is looking to be going well until the checkout operator rings up the total - 'that will be $165' and they reveal that they have a budget of $90 and start putting things back. So it was a wee wait and I was intrigued at the grocery items that came out of the bags compared to the ones that stayed in. Pizza stays, rice is put back, potato chips remain, frozen vegies taken off the total, I refrain from offering nutritional and budget advice as the bags are half emptied and eventually the total is $88 and some cents. Checkout operator offers her opinion as soon as they have vanished out the door - 'you must know you have spent about twice what you've got - even without a calculator! Did you see all the junk food they kept!'

Someone else tries to navigate the roundabout without indicating as I drive out of Te Puke again. This time I'm ready for it. No gestures either which makes it easier to put up with.

I was only gone a bit over an hour - and they are grading the road again as I get home! Have these guys with the grader got nothing better to do? Surely there is another road in the area that could do with grading more than ours can?

Sometimes it just isn't safe to go out.

Smoked salmon was divine, (the cat thought so too).

How good is my baby?

The spotty little git on the right there (looking shaggier these days)

The farrier came out yesterday and trimmed him while I was still bringing in the other two, in the paddock, without a halter, with no one holding him, and he didn't move a muscle except to pick up the next foot when the last one was put down. Not bad for a 20 month old colt I thought

Bastards

As previously mentioned we live about 5km down a gravel road. But there is actually very little gravel on it, it's mostly dirt. The council has plans to seal it sometime, in fact it is the second highest priority road in the district apparently. That means they will probably do it in about ten years... (okay I'm a cynic).

Most of the time it isn't too bad, as dirt roads go. It gets a few potholes but mostly it's pretty easy driving.

Except the council has taken it into their heads to grade it every three weeks at the moment. So it goes from being a fairly easy road that you can comfortably travel at 80kph on to a slippery, muddy mess that you need to navigate at about 30kph to avoid sliding off it. After they have graded it it takes about a week to settle down again so we get two weeks of good road and then they come along and mess it up again. They have just outdone themselves though, it was graded on Friday, now they have just come back and graded it again.

Just something I was going to mention earlier but forgot

Prompted by reading the wonderfully irreverant Karl's blog... I'm quite addicted to Karl, she's one very amusing lady. I like the horse photos too so if you follow the link make sure you scroll down and have a look at those.

What prompted this was the second paragraph mention of Winston Peters (and I agree with her opinion of him).

We were wandering through Fieldays this year in a crush of far too many people and Winston had a stand. So there he was standing, smiling, immaculate in his navy suit (at least pretty sure it was navy, I actually only glanced at him) with a handful of party supporters, kissing the babies and no doubt discussing immigration. The woman in front of us in the crush went "Oh it's Winston" deserted her husband (well I'm assuming they were married, they looked married) to gravitate towards the stand. Her husband headed in the general direction after her. We moved on about two stands and paused to look at something there that was a little more interesting than your average political candidate and the same couple came back past us a few minutes later. As they passed us the wife was gushing, starry eyed from the meeting.

I caught what she was saying as we went past and had difficulty not laughing out loud. "Hasn't he got the loveliest handshake." she was saying...

The mind boggles at how people may make voting decisions.... and how would you describe a lovely handshake?

On car alarms

A few years ago we knew a bloke that had a fair amount of money - and probably a complex about the size of his genitals - who bought a brand new, top of the line, overpowered, gasguzzling, big boys toy type car. When he bought it he was also in the throes of moving from somewhere to somewhere and was renting a house without a garage so he parked it in the driveway. This suited him fine as the neighbours could all admire this hunk of metal that looked mean enough to make you pause before walking in front of it when it was parked. Of course vehicles of this calibre are highly coveted and often converted so he got a state of the art car alarm fitted. He stopped short of having GPS and an immobilizer fitted but it was a pretty good alarm never the less, the sort you talk about straight after you've finished talking about engine size and horsepower and all that other bloke stuff.

About a month after he got the car the car alarm developed a fault. It kept going off, three or four times a night, every night for four nights. Every time he got up to check there was no sign of any disturbance round the car or anywhere on the property. It was a bit peculiar really because it only did this at night never in his work carpark. He took it in to the alarm speciallists twice over the next four days and they tested the whole lot and insisted that the alarm was fine. On the fifth night the car alarm went off about midnight, he went out, looked round, there was no one there... so he turned the alarm off and went back to bed.

In the morning the car was gone, and it was never seen again. The insurance company got a little bit huffy about the alarm being turned off too - though they paid up eventually.

Husband woke up in a less than cheerful mood due to the neighbours having a loud party until the early hours of the morning. They do this with a little too frequent regularity, but this one went particularly late.

Must be karma (tongue firmly in cheek here) cos about two minutes after husband got up this morning his car alarm developed a fault so was going off every five minutes for half an hour. Darn I hate it when that happens... must be particularly irritating when you've been partying loudly until about three hours before.

A takeover coup?

Back to work this morning. Actually I only lasted till lunchtime then I packed up the laptop and went home, it was too darn cold in there. However I have an eight week project to amuse myself with so will carry on with that, either at work or at home as the mood takes me.

Was a little perturbed to find my office had been taken over in the last few weeks (it was vacant as it should have been three weeks ago when I went in). The takeover bidder had not gone as far as emptying the drawers of my desk but had rearranged computer, left stuff all over my desk, added items to the bookshelf etc. He was not present when I showed up (yes he's one of my staff, and yes it was commonly known I would be back today). So general enquiry eliciting that there was no reason given for this move I packed the whole lot up and dumped it back on HIS desk and got to work. First thing was phonecalls to various people to assure them I was back and working and check what was going on. And the gossip starts "[desk thief] rang me and demanded a pay increase since he was doing your job" said my manager "I told him to go take a running jump as I know who was doing your job and it wasn't him, he went to [GM]"

[GM] said something similar (along the lines of I told him No).

Said individual turned up eventually. "Sorry I didn't tidy up your desk..."

Eyed him up and down and said "you should be." in a reasonably amiable tone of voice. (receptionist who heard this through the door snorted quite loudly)

He found he needed to be out again reasonably urgently.

I'm vastly amused. I was only gone six weeks!

Rants and raves

There are a trail of 'health professionals' on my trail, and some of them are starting to get right up my nose.

I have no trouble with the trial nurse who needs to check up on me fairly regularly, she's bright and breezy, asks sensible questions like how do I feel, what are my symptoms etc.

I can cope with the woman who feels I need to join a support group or two.... no thanks. But they are such fun people she says - still no thanks but I'll think about it. (I have come across a couple of people who belong to all the support groups and they are unable to talk about anyone other than themselves and anything other than their illness and whether they will be alive next year. I cannot stand the thought of being stuck in a room full of people like that - I don't know that they are all like that but not sure I want to take the risk)

The ones that ring me up and tell me that I need to grieve for my loss of health and should get counselling are getting close to being hung up on. They seem to prod at it until they know they have upset me and use this to confirm I need help. Yes I am still upset that I would be in the UK next week if this hadn't happened. Talking it over with someone is not going to make it better, in fact it is going to make it worse - it is best it simmers in the back of my mind until I find some acceptance (and we'll go next year). I am coping perfectly well with a lot of other aspects of life at the moment, and I am trying to get back to the adjusted type of normal - the best I can get it. They don't see this. I may have to get caller display so I can avoid them.

Okay rant over - I'll go and do something less irritating to me.

About time for an update

I'm not actually depressed at the moment but aware often that what is happening in my life is depressing so I feel doubtful about blogging for fear of sounding miserable.

Anyway I had the first dose of chemotheraphy yesterday.
I was given three choices:
1 Not too nasty chemo with about a 60% chance it would work
2 Nastier chemo with a slightly better chance it would work
3 The option to go on a clinical trial where I would get nastier chemo or nastier chemo in conjunction with a new drug which looks good in mice but initial results in humans are only moderately successful.

No one quite believes I did this but I narrowed it down to options 1 or 3 and I tossed a coin. Option 3 came up. Then over the other side of the world they reviewed my scans and bloodtests, decided I was an acceptable guinea pig and tossed another coin to randomise me onto the trial and I came up as part of the control group so I am just getting the nastier chemo cocktail not the new drug. A couple of people have asked cautiously if I am disappointed about this but I am actually not... if that is what happened that is the way it is meant to be for me. A minor bit of good news is the tumour they can measure at the moment on scans (there are a lot of bits that aren't showing up in scans) has not grown since the last scan in early May, (and fingers crossed it starts getting smaller soon) .

I'm starting back at work next week, once I get over the three or four days of yuk that goes with chemo, but think I will work mostly from home for a while. Home is a good place to work, home is just a good place to be!

Mingling with the farming community

Fieldays

We went yesterday. The weather more or less held together, there wasn't too much mud, there were a whole heap of people... We wandered round for hours and then had to do a circuit again to buy all the things we had noted on the way but didn't want to carry.

I am in love with miniature cattle. However the price tag is too scary to contemplate. These were the size of a large dog, looked like tiny highland cattle. Soooo cute!

Got waylaid at serveral saddlery places - can't resist a special... so stocked up on lead ropes, halters, hay nets, worming pastes, covers and ummmm a saddle - a tiny wee mini horse sized saddle that was soooo cheap (and I am having some small regrets that I didn't buy another one as well which was a third of it's normal price).

Also got some plants to thicken out the shelter belts some more. And some other stuff of a minor nature.

Looked at tractors of all sizes, quadbikes, farm buildings, stock underpasses, fencing, watertroughs, clothing, tools, watertanks, trailers, horsefloats, and machinery with obscure uses.

Exhausting but fun

Orange ribbon week

http://www.fedfarm.org.nz/media%20releases/PR0882005.html

The nomad bus

The nomad bus. Husband built this...(well he did the conversion from bus to motorhome) however he can't claim any credit for the paint job which was done by a very talented man in Christchurch and is amazing. Bus owner tells us that the attention is a bit boring at times - people always ask if they can get a photo of it.

This 'n' that

No intentional neglect here, just stuff has kept happening lately. Coupled with the diminished mobility/ energy as I work on getting back to normal my brain has turned to mush and I haven't been able to think of a single thing (either intelligent or stupid) to say.

So here is a brief catchup.

For starters we've had some nomads in a bus parked in the back yard for a week. Lovely to see them but glad they have gone... not that they were any trouble, they even weeded some garden and did some housework, I'm just an antisocial cuss. I might post a photo of the nomad bus later - it's very impressive and a work of art in its own right.

Close friend's father died last week too in Christchurch. Not unexpected but sad nonetheless. This was a man who treated us as part of his family, loaned us his holiday home and boat, taught my children to fish, waterski and drive the boat, told us off for our dissolute habits and gave out sage advice. Husband has gone to the funeral today. I contemplated being there but am not sure I have the energy to see it through at the moment. It's also the second anniversary of my father's death this week so I'm a bit contemplative about life and death at the moment.

I am working on getting round more as I want to go to Fieldays on Friday. Not sure if I am up to that much walking yet or not but guess I can sit myself down at a stand if it gets tiring. I am okay wandering round for an hour or two at a time.

Chooks have finally gone off the lay for the winter and we have no eggs (darn it). One of the cows got under the hotwire in one paddock and trimmed the recently planted shelter belt in that paddock (double darn it) and the littlest horse trimmed his girlfriends tail very short so she is going to look a bit silly in the show ring this summer.

Life's like that I guess.

Insular

I like being by myself... I don't get scared alone in the dark (much anyway) I like solitary and bordering on antisocial pursuits - reading, writing, scrapbooking, gardening, solitary horse grooming sessions. I like riding alone, walking alone, I used to jog with only a dog for company. A package tour holiday with the same 30 people for 10 days would drive me demented. I choose to live where the neighbours can't see into my windows, I work best in an enclosed office rather than an open plan one.

Most of the time I am moderately happy to have some human interaction in my day, but if I go a day or two without seeing anyone it doesn't upset me. Happily I have a husband with a similar outlook so we can be antisocial together.

The 'people people' I know find this disconcerting, as if contentment with aloneness is some sign of psychological disturbance. It is good for me to go out apparently. It is equally good for people I know only vaguely to come and keep me company....

They mean well - they just don't understand that I am quite comfortable with solitude.

Let me live up to my name - Wino that is...

Had someone else tell me today I should get counseling to help me deal with the stuff in my life that I have difficulty dealing with....

Hic.... bugger that. Two (big) glasses of wine, a chat on the phone to a friend that always makes me laugh and my problems aren't that important. Let me go and get another glass, and spend a little more time on that post I have been formulating for a while 'Why counseling can make you feel worse than you already did'

I'll get back to you with that.

Dreaming

In the last week I have been having weird (as in not nice) and frequent dreams. I'm guessing it's the drugs...

So three or four times a night I wake up having dreamt of being in a car accident, opening my credit card statement to find big charges I haven't made, of one of my children dead, the stock attacked by dogs, a bulldozer running amok through the house and others. Now I am not of a nervous disposition normally, anything that is not an immediate threat is really not worth worrying about in my mind (and all insurance premium payments are up to date).

I've just spent a while looking up a couple of dream analysis sites. And all these dreams indicate that I have a feeling of having lost control, and have real and deepseated fears that I am having trouble addressing.

Maybe that is the standard reply to all bad dreams. Or remarkable accuracy.

Roll on better dreams.

A room with a view

Have just got back from a five day stay in a ninth floor Auckland room with amazing views of the harbour and the skytower. I even had this fabulous room to myself and it had an ensuite. I only wish I had thought to take the camera.

The room service sucked though and the cost of staying included feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and some interesting staple effects in my stomach.

They didn't manage to kill me while under anaesthetic, but I don't think they did a lot of good either, they didn't remove a great deal of the cancer which has now spread.

So it's on to chemo. It's not over by a long shot.

Nominated as the best short joke of the year....

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."

It never rains but it pours

SEVERE WEATHER WARNING.
ISSUED BY MetService AT 5:52 pm 18-May-2005

FURTHER HEAVY DOWNPOURS LIKELY FOR COROMANDEL PENINSULA, BAY OF PLENTY AND ABOUT MT TARANAKI A moist northeasterly flow covers the North Island with a trough expected to cross northern areas overnight. The trough is likely to bring further heavy downpours and thunderstorms to Coromandel Peninsula and Bay of Plenty through to late Thursday morning, with another 60 to 100mm possible, especially west of Kawerau. The heavy rain about Mt Taranaki should ease overnight, however another 100mm is possible about higher slopes through to the early hours of Thursday morning. People in these areas are advised to be on the alert for rapidly rising rivers and the potential for further flooding. More rain is likely about the parts of Gisborne and Hawkes Bay through to Thursday afternoon, but amounts are not expected to reach warning criteria, with only 30 to 40mm possible about the ranges.


It definitely rained. It poured down at home last night but had settled into a steady rain when I went to work. Got into town and it was bucketting down. Checked the building for leaks but it appears that the last lot of repairs are holding up. And it continued raining - rather a lot. Wasn't particularly unpleasant, not cold and little wind, just torrential straight down rain.

Didn't think too much about it until I went out about 11am. Rivers down the roads and some pretty big puddles, rather deep too. Collegue went home for lunch and reported he couldn't drive into his place - had to park up the road and paddle - and he came back with photos on his cellphone of his local pub sitting in the middle of a deep looking pond with water half way up to the windows (guess they won't be doing their usual smorgasbord tonight) and the nearby retirement home had been evacuated. Then we heard they had closed the harbour bridge and some houses had fallen off the hill at Otomoetai, cars had been abandoned in Welcome Bay, sister-in-law had to wade through waist deep water to collect the children from school. 309 mm of rain fell in the last 24 hours apparently and they expect another 120mm tonight. They have announced a 24 hour state of emergency.

Left my car in town and went home with husband in the 4WD as we weren't sure how bad our gravel road would be (actually gravel is a misnomer there isn't any gravel on it only mud) but it wasn't that bad. Suspect we didn't have that much rain at our place.

Nature is tough when you least expect it.

Blah

It's one of those days....

It's raining. I wish I hadn't bothered going to work, it was more trouble than it was worth....

You'll be pleased to know I ate well though - I had a muesli bar and an anzac biscuit for lunch, another muesli bar for afternoon tea and dinner was popcorn, toast and icecream.

I wonder why it is okay for me to eat this way, I wouldn't allow my children to do so (at least not in front of me).

Seeking positive forward moving things I changed the template on my blog. Not sure if I like it or not - may change it again later.

After I have rounded out my diet with some chocolate - as long as I can find some. And a glass of vino....

Update on the broken cat

Herbie the roadkill escapee is pretty much as good as new. After two weeks in a cage so his hip could settle back into place he was allowed out in the house. He's now allowed outside again - something he is very pleased about. The impatience was not helped by Mitzi the other cat bringing her catches (mice, rabbits, lizards) up to the outside of the door to show him and proceeding to play with the live ones just inches from him through the glass.

Not sure his intelligence has improved at all - the catdoor is fitted in the fixed side of the ranchsliders so when the door is open the catdoor doesn't work. Have just watched him run full tilt into the catdoor and find it extremely unyielding since the door next to it was wide open.

Why I blog

No this isn't an essay on how many people I know in Cyberspace or how much satisfaction this gives me....

It's more a conversation with myself (I do that - have chats to myself)

I have a stats counter on this blog, but I hardly ever look at it - it makes me nervous because I really don't know if I want thousands of readers or none. But I guess I don't want none, otherwise I would be writing this in a Word document and keeping it on my C: drive. And I don't think I want thousands - big parties make me feel shy and I drink too much.

So I can't decide if I should be happy or sad if no one drops in to see what I am doing. Usually someone or two or ten does so I know I'm not talking to myself, and then I start wondering just who I am talking to.... I know who some of you are, but I get some unidentified extras....not that that matters much (I mean if they decide I'm an idiot they can just go away again, not really a problem, or if they want to come back occasionally that's fine by me too)

So probably I should just give the stats counter a miss, then I wouldn't have to worry about it.

Teambuilding the return

I've just got back from a two day training session.

The sort of thing that raises more questions than it answers like:
If we -the chosen few - are so valued why do they put us two to a small room in a cheap motel and offer us food that looks suspiciously reheated.
Why isn't the bar tab bigger.
Where was the cooked breakfast (the reason for getting up in time to go to breakfast on these occasions)
Why is aircon and heating in conference rooms always so inefficient
Why did everyone spend hours on a preparation exercise that was hardly touched on over the course
And... how much do they pay that guy to stay enthusiastic for two whole days.

Actually I got a lot out of it. I learnt there are more productive ways of making staff behave than yelling and screaming. (I knew that really but it amused me to say I was kicking the staff into shape, now I have training I will have to use PC speak, I'll give them some feedback in a non threatening manner). And I learnt to write shorter sentences - not something I have put into practice immediately - because apparently brackets and colons and semi-colons make things hard to understand. (Note that I hardly ever use colons or semicolons - they are in the wrong place on the keyboard I find)

But there was a significant leaning towards teambuilding in this one. Not as bad as the 90s when being part of the team was the most important thing in the world and you could just go home without your bat and ball if you didn't want to play, but none the less that T word kept coming up.

If they want to blindfold anyone I'm going home.

And more autumn

Central Otago colour - again from last year.

Terribly chocolate boxy - but rather gorgeous.

Autumn

Every autumn I wish for more deciduous trees. This is one of last years photos, autumn in Nelson.

Think positive thoughts for me

They ('they' being some unidentified number of surgeons who consult each other and make decisions - I only got to meet one of them but I am assured I was the subject of serious discussion) have decided to cut me open on May 23rd.

It doesn't sound like much fun.... but they didn't suggest any other options that sounded any more entertaining so guess this is what I have to do.

My mother is just about eight weeks behind me in the process with a probable recurrance of her cancer.

Fatally flawed as a family.... (mutant DNA)

No need for a reason for being

It was raining cats and dogs the other night (strange saying I've always thought, it was raining large amounts of H2O to be more precise) and I was standing out in the paddock supervising horse dinners because if I don't supervise the horse equivilent of sibling rivalry will break out and they'll all start biting and kicking each other in an attempt to get the 'best' feedbin. It was just getting dark and the rain was dripping steadily down my neck... and suddenly it became one of those moments of perfect contentment that happen every now and then, where there was no place I would rather be than standing in the rain and the dark with one large and two small horses.

Life isn't all bad and I should take the time to enjoy it more often.

It was so much fun working for the Government

I mentioned a word that got me thinking. TEAMBUILDING.

It's gone out of fashion now and we are back to every man for himself but it was THE training choice for a while.

And I was mulling this over and I can honestly say

I loved working for the Government in the 90s.

That is probably a bit insensitive as many people found it a very threatening time - but it was great!

First there was all this training. And training could involve so much drinking that some people were too sick the next day to get more training. And there is nothing like watching your previously superior workmates get all messy and uncouth. so good! Often I laughed so much I cried. Sometimes I laughed till I cried about things that weren't even funny.

And I learnt to be Culturally Sensitive. See I never realised that it wasn't enough to not care what colour or religion or whatever people were, you have to be sensitive to these differences as well. So I took that on board. And I am grateful I learned that, even if there are some gaps in the training - I learnt cultural sensitivity towards all things Maori but never got the equivilent training in Chinese or French for instance. Still it was a start.

Then there was the teambuilding. Now quite early in the piece I realised that teambuilding was actually invented by trainers so they could have a great laugh at the expense of some poor (hungover) bastards that had been sent on a training course. They invented games like blindfolding everyone, telling them a number and then expecting them to line up in order without speaking to each other. Now stumbling round blind until you walk into someone who then thumps you three times is probably really funny if you are standing back watching but is not at all amusing when you are number 10 looking for 9 and 11 to stand between. Trust me I've tried it. And I didn't feel part of number 3s team at all... Then there was the catching people when they let themselves fall, and being led round an obstacle course blindfolded and in a line. Really lucky departments got to try rockclimbing and white water rafting and bungy jumping. WINZ staff got to try a private plane (that would have been a bonding experience)

Anyway it was all over when the restructuring came - cos the first to go were the trainers.

I survived three or four restructurings. It was honestly a whole heap of fun (serious). I know some people found the whole thing threatening but the redundancy payouts were big enough to be similar to a small lotto win so what the hell - either way you won. And I do have some sympathy for people round me who lost sleep over it, but I never did. It was just so crazy it was great.

First they would announce they were restructuring and X many people were to go. Then the Union would bowl in, promise not to take this lying down, and vanish again until the next restructuring. After that there would be some Counsellor employed, usually some dizzy female who would wander round one day a week stroking everyones egos and telling them it would be really good for them in the long run if they were redundant. After a bit she would realise some people weren't actually on any hit list and would ignore them, even if they wanted to talk about something (which would have been a foolish move anyway if you were looking for good advice - but I will keep my opinion on counselling until some later date)

Eventually they would devise some sort of test or interview and make a decision about who could stay and who could go. Usually the decision seemed to make no particular sense, the person who had been taking it easy for years got to stay and the efficient person got to go. Possibly they just drew names out of a hat and all the testing and stress was just for fun.

Some of the time they asked if anyone would like voluntary redundancy. Then they refused to give it to them. (probably in the hope that they intended to leave anyway so would resign and save the redundancy payout)

Someone who got made redundant in one of the early rounds ended up staying because someone else resigned. In the next round they applied for voluntary redundancy and were turned down as they were deemed essential.... amazing they could go from dispensible to indispensible in six months...

Someone who had a part time job scored a full time one while someone else had to go....

It made no sense whatsoever so you couldn't take it personally (not after all the counselling anyway)

Then there were heaps of leaving parties and more drunken debaucery and everything would settle down for a while until they decided it needed to be done again.

Sadly once there was only half as many staff there wasn't time to spend on training any more.

Just another day in the complaints department

Someone rang work the other day to complain. We still don't know who he was because he wouldn't say. He was most unimpressed with the level of service though.

First he spent 10 minutes berating the receptionist who was trying to find out who had upset him - eventually she identified the staff member responsible when he told her what type of car he drove, so that was a start. So she put the call through to me.

He started with "I didn't know there were women doing your job"
There's a dozen or so answers to that "no you are right - I've just checked and I'm a bloke really" or "yeah was a bit of an experiment giving me so much power, not sure how it is working out" or "I got the job before the sex change" and similar. Anyway I was in soothe mode so I said "Oh there's a few of us"

So he started on the complaint
"that guy is a bastard" (well I can't check the parentage of all staff, but I'm sure this one said his parents were married.... hmmm)
"he's a real wanker" (eeewwww not in work time surely, we have got problems)
"absolutely incompetent, never seen anyone as incompetent" (darn, training isn't working)
"should be fired" (hell no, I'd have to do some work then!)

After a bit more of this I asked him if he'd give me his name so I could investigate further. "I'm not letting you snoop into my affairs" (like I want to)
So I say "okay what is the problem then - in general terms"
"Well obviously his qualifications aren't worth the paper they are written on" (ohhh that's a hefty accusation but we can probably overlook it since you probably don't know what the said qualifications actually are)
"and he just smarms around the place like he owns it, very full of himself, all friendly and pretending he's got every right to come knocking on my door." (my God it's worse than I thought, I'm really not sure how I am going to handle this) try more soothe - "was it really that bad that he knocked on you door Mr.... (pause but no name supplied) I mean he only wanted to ask you a couple of questions I would imagine, he's not selling anything."
"It's an invasion of my privacy" (oh okay, sorry, didn't realise)
"you should know that" (umm, right I'm learning)
So try more soothe "You know most people don't mind,"
"Well they should, before you know it everyone will know everything about you." (very real and serious danger I have to admit, I'm glad he alerted me to this I hadn't realised)
"You wouldn't like it." "Well actually I wouldn't care at all."
"You're just a typical bloody woman, too stupid to know what's going on." (right 1. don't call all women stupid and 2. don't call me typical) "there is no need to be abusive thank you."

So I was abruptly hung up on.

I had made some notes:
bastard
wanker
incompetent
invasion of privacy

Still not sure who he was but I think I got his description.

Memo to all staff
We will no longer be tolerating illegitimacy, wanking, or incompetence in this office. Please make sure it doesn't happen again.

Right so I am a nutter and here is my opinion

It started with a seemingly casual discussion at work, “why” asked someone “isn’t there fluoride in the local water?” At the same time as I said “because it’s a stupid idea” someone else said “because the nutters make too much of a fuss about it”. Interesting discussion followed – after I’d acknowledged and adopted the nutter tag. I work with a highly intelligent, well educated man who feels the GE is fine, fluoride in the water is fine and everyone should line up and get immunized for anything the Health Department (or whatever they call themselves these days) says you should be immunized for. I don’t get it…. (so perhaps it’s just me).

Fluoride: I mean to say… there are studies that indicate that fluoride intake can in susceptible individuals cause brittle bones, kidney problems, limit the uptake of other nutrients and possibly cause cancer. Other studies indicate that with or without fluoride the level of tooth decay is
reducing in most developed countries. So whether you believe in it or not… Why the hell would you want to forcibly medicate the whole population???? (especially as there is enough in toothpaste) Apart from anything else it’s such a hugely wasteful and inaccurate method of delivery.

Similarly he feels it is not great loss if every crop in the world is GE contaminated….

And that non immunized children shouldn’t be allowed in school or preschool (I pointed out that if immunization was so wonderful the only kids at risk were the non immunized ones). Don’t get me wrong here my kids were (more or less) immunized, just not necessarily as recommended (and I drove my GP mad asking about side effects and contra indications and demanding a scratchtest for one).

I thoroughly dislike having no freedom of choice… I don’t understand why other people would feel that is okay.

Deckadent

The addition to the deck was finished on Thursday. It is rather large. Even with the spa on it there is room to have a party. Now my task is to clean down and re-oil the outdoor furniture, husband has to put up a shade sail, I'll drag some potplants round in due course (after we've stained the deck which can't happen for a few weeks because the wood is still wet) and it should look just like home.

He's gonna have to learn to look both ways first

Herbie our mighty burmese hunter probably wishes he hadn't bothered getting up on Thursday. We wish he hadn't bothered, (and so does the bank account). Thursday night he struggled home with only his front legs working and well covered in blood. It appears he's been hit by a car, which probably isn't surprising since he has always considered the road is his own and the land across the road his too. He was luckier than he could have been, having a dislocated hip, a broken bone in the other hind leg, multiple bits of skin missing and some unidentified internal injuries that do not appear to be life threatening. He came home from the vets today and is going to have to spend three weeks in a cage while the hip heals and another month or two inside.

Eight lives left.

Twas International health and fitness week or some such

last week - apologies if I got the title wrong I wasn't paying that much attention....

Work got quite excited about this and told us all to do 3 hours worth of health and fitness things on work time. Which was all very generous. (But you wonder if anyone will be eligible for stress leave until further notice cos they told you to get some exercise and learn to relax)

The point I was coming to is they sent us all Pedometers. They sent us healthy snacks too, and instructions on how to quit smoking, meditate. and get more exercise (you know the walk to work bit... and take the stairs bit - theres's two steps in our office so we all take them always - and the walk a bustop or two bit...) But NZ Post misplaced our parcel till Friday morning. This meant that we missed out on the competition to count our steps and be the most active office. (sooooo disappointed - and if I hadn't been limping I would have been a contender *grin*)

Some woman somewhere in the company averages 22000 steps a day. I suggest her manager reviews her performance immediately cos she can't be doing much work when she's walking round all day!

Now this darn thing is ruling my life. I've calibrated it carefully, and I've spent all weekend worrying about getting to 10000 steps. Can get in a couple of thousand or so with a walk round the town at lunchtime, it is 300 metres to the end of our property which is 500 steps for me give or take so I need to do that a few times.... I have notified the IT department that there are insufficient steps between my desk and the printer and that I want this rectified ASAP.

Right now I am SO annoyed. I came home and got changed and buggered off down the paddocks to do various things and I forgot to put that darn pedometer back on, and I walked up and down for at least half an hour.... all those uncounted steps.

(I'm guessing it's at least 6000 because that's how many I'm short for today)

Testing

Just testing using Picasa Hello for loading photos. In theory this should save a step (loading into Photobucket) when adding photos to the blog. worked quite well actually.

Sent running for the dictionary

As fast as my ankle will let me.

Browsing - as I do - and the Morphess has remorphed - check it out here if you haven't already.... Was checking out the links (love My boyfriend is a twat, just as well the chair has arms or I'd have fallen off it laughing) and found Caroline has this clever little comment thing that comes up when you put your mouse over the link (way cool). Gratified enough just to be there in the list but the comment is Erudite and Honest. Who me! Had to check that erudite means what I thought it meant, which it does (phew, just as well since with a label like that I will have to try harder to live up to it.)

Left with this warm glow - feel very special.

Thank you Caroline

My husband is hyperactive

or something. He always has been from what I've heard - I guess they missed the diagnosis when he was small. He probably doesn't need Ritalin since he has no trouble concentrating on one thing for long lengths of time..... though I must say an ad break on the tele is enough to make him very fidgetty - disruptive even...

I thought I would mention this as he is currently outside in the dark rebuilding a horsetruck. It worked fine the way it was but he feels the need to improve it.

Most of the time the end results of this inability to sit still are great, things get done round our place (sometimes before I am quite ready for them to be done) though some years ago in the middle of winter he ripped off the wall linings in the bathroom, found the roof leaked in some obscure place and left the wall linings off for six weeks while he fully investigated and fixed the leak - ever tried having a shower in a room where the temperature is probably round 1 degree celsius? (If not I don't recommend it).

I guess it keeps him off the streets.

A minor gripe

Reasonably frequently someone pays me reasonably good money to give them the benefit of my accumulated wisdom - and some research - in my chosen field of expertise.

What gets me is that about 50% of the time they say "thanks very much that is good advice" and go and do the exact opposite of what I recommended because they knew what they wanted to do all along.... usually they don't seek any further advice from anyone else, sometimes they get someone else to also tell them pretty much what I told them before they go and do the opposite.

I know I shouldn't let this bug me - after all I get paid and it isn't my fault if they make the wrong decision - in fact I'm probably better off when they don't do what I recommend, I can't be held accountable when it goes wrong - but it does irritate me a little at times.

I just wonder what the point is....

Old enough to know better

I'm broken today. Horse and I parted company yesterday afternoon and now one ankle won't work properly (a severe strain they tell me)

Now I knew before I got on him that he was full of autumn grass and jumpy so at my age you'd have thought I would have learnt to give it a miss. Nope not me. So we had a disagreement about which way we were going and he went his way and I went mine, so we both got what we wanted, or something....

I got back on him and spent 15 minutes making sure his steering worked, then groomed him, fed him and turned him out before I realised my ankle was complaining really loudly, in fact felt like it might fall apart if I took my boot off..... hobbling round today VERY slowly.

I used to be able to fall off twice a day and not hurt myself at all. Guess I had better develop some user discretion - and remember that you bounce a lot better as a child and teenager...

Is it a sign of old age

To recount childhood memories?

When I was young (about 8) my parents had a dairy/grocery shop - actually they had two over a few years - in Auckland. In those days supermarkets hadn't arrived properly and there was money in the corner dairy thing. Anyway every Friday Mum used to drive out to Albany and buy eggs (large amounts of eggs actually) for the shop. In the school holidays she had to take all three of us kids to stop us bugging the hell out of Dad while he ran the shop. It seemed to take hours.... actually sometimes it did take hours since the mode of transport was a Thames van of 1950s vintage called Gertie. Gertie was interesting since she only had two seats and a slippery steel floor in the back. We'd take a blanket each and slide all over the back of the van at every corner. Amazingly I don't recall anyone ever hurting themselves while undertaking this mode of travel - apart from your bum getting sore. The other thing Gertie did was overheat and drop all the water out of the radiator onto the road in an almighty rush. So you had to stop, let her cool down and refill her. We always had to share the back with several bottles of water - which were in a cardboard box that also slid on the corners. For some reason my parents had this van for years and only fixed the radiator just before they sold it.

Anyway we'd slide our way out to Albany, with a stop or not depending on Gertie's mood and the ambient air temperature, and it was country out there. There were paddocks, and cows and sheep and a gravel road to the poultry farm. And we'd all pile out and go and look at the battery hens while Mum bought 60 dozen eggs or so. Self centred little savages that we were it never occured to us that a hen might not like being in a cage she could hardly turn round in, it was just the way it was. Then with some wooden crates of eggs sharing the back with us we'd slide our way round the back of the van back into suburbia.

I went to Albany today. I've been past in the meantime but haven't actually taken the turnoff and gone to have a look. It was only about 10 minutes up the motorway from the city. And it was covered in factories, not a cow in sight. Strange - that wasn't how I remembered it at all.....

A great deal of nothing has happened

So I have had nothing to say.

I am getting bitterly resentful of having my life on hold while some group of medical people get round to discussing me. While I have had time to contemplate this I have also started to wonder if the decisions they are going to make when they do get round to it will actually be the best treatment decisions for me or if the treatment I get will be what fits in with their budgets and patient loadings.... Cynical? You bet. All out of faith in the health system.

So we go on.

Actually I have had two rides on the new GG. He's a lovely character, green as grass, attached to the minis now so he puts in a bit of a buck when asked to move away from them, but otherwise a non stress ride. Nice walk and trot on him, haven't tried a canter yet, he should come good with work.... As is always the way he fits perfectly the saddle that I don't particularly like and doesn't fit the one I do like. I can feel a wee saddle buying excursion coming on... ('right!' says husband, 'horse now owns covers that cost more than he cost, now you want a saddle worth twice what he is worth' - that's not true, the covers were on special and didn't cost that much and anyway you can't leave a horse with a feeling of inadequacy cos he hasn't got anything to wear!

Lifestyle?

Husband rose at the crack of dawn to go to Auckland. Actually it was before the crack of dawn. He hung the washing out but the rest of the chores were up to me.

I had to be in Taupo by 9am meaning I had to leave home at 7.30 at the very latest. So at 7.15 I was ready to uncover horses, feed chooks, and give Kiwi his morning feed with drugs. Was dressed for work (trying to look like the professional person my job description says I am) so grabbed the old oilskin from the laundry to prevent getting grubby.

Fed the chooks no trouble. Ya gotta love hens, they have such a capacity for happiness (probably because they have a brain the size of a pea) give them some laying pellets, the outside leaves of a lettuce, half a slice of vegemite toast and last nights leftovers and they think they are in heaven.

Horse covers next - took Brandy's cover off, then Calypso snuck up behind me, had a sniff of the oilskin and decided this was no one he knew. In fact it was some evil person who was there with the express purpose of hurting small horses in ways that only he could imagine. He retired to the middle of the paddock in a panic. In an effort to get him to come closer I offered him Kiwi's breakfast. Now Calypso knew for sure that no one with good intentions would offer a fat little horse a bucket that big. Obviously I was offering him poison. He ran faster.

As he was wearing a winter weight cover he would have baked right through if I had left it on, so I took the oilskin off. Managed to corner him by the watertrough (he was thirsty after running round) and he was so relieved to find that it was me and not the smelly oilskin monster after all that he dribbled all over my shoulder when I undid the front strap of his cover. (well so much for the staying clean plan)

General appearance was further improved when Kiwi gave me a chaffy kiss after the first mouthful of his breakfast.

Right it's just past half past. I can go as soon as I brush the slobber out of my hair and change my top... the trouble is - domestic goddess that I am - I appear to be somewhat behind in the ironing. Found one ironed shirt but it proved to be missing a button - so it was back to the ironing board.

Finally left home at 7.55, noting that I appeared a little low on petrol too, with some sort of vague idea that I might be able to make up the time (yeah right!). That was before I got to the outskirts of Rotorua where there was a traffic jam. I don't believe it - this is Rotorua, there aren't enough people live here to create this queue of cars. (Bloody tourists!) . Fuel light has been on some time and I am destined to run out of petrol in a line of traffic moving at 2 km an hour... (well at least there will be someone round to help me) . It is 8:40 and unless a helicopter appears there is no way I will cover the 100 odd kilometres to Taupo in time. I ring the man I was to meet at that time and reschedule. He sounds a bit put out and disbelieving (yeah, like I would make up a traffic jam in Rotorua, now if I was going to tell a lie I would at least think up a plausible one.)

Anyway made it to the service station and filled the car - emptier than I have had it to date.... and looking at the weeks worth of gravel road dust on it decided a carwash might be a good idea. The car was emerging from the dust and I am sitting there fighting that feeling you have that you are moving when in fact you are still and everything is moving round you, when the aerial goes twang, and then more ominously Snap. Yes I know, they tell you to put your aerial down, they even say it isn't their fault when your aerial snaps and your spoiler falls off. I have never put the aerial down... This wasn't that type of aerial....(the type that goes down) but not to worry because it isn't really any kind of aerial now and I will be able to reconsider what type of receiving device I use to gather radio signals for my listening enjoyment. CD still works. I put a CD on. Some compilation of non memorable music - sounds just like the radio anyway and without the ads.


Eventually got to Taupo and man I was supposed to meet was very pleasant and agreed with everything I said. This was probably not because he personally felt everything I said was correct, it is likely he decided that any woman who can get stuck in a traffic jam in Rotorua is an idiot and there is no point arguing with her.

Rest of the day was fairly uneventful - eventually went home and repeated or reversed everything I did this morning, plus a few more things like have a chat to the cows, and also had an argument with the water supply which has some characteristics only my husband has come to terms with. Eventually (after 30 minutes) managed to get water into all troughs and things, was close to getting a bucket...

Not sure I have time to go to work tomorrow.

New toy/pet/liability

Meet Kiwi who came to live with us today.

As horse buys go he's a bit of a dud since he is currently recovering from a stone bruise, and on antibiotics for a bug.

But I looked at him and he looked at me and I figured it was meant to be. His last owner who had rescued him said later that she knew that I was the owner for him after talking on the phone and was sure I would take him.




He's a five year old TB with the most awesome nature, totally laid back. I saw a video of him being ridden on two different occasions by inexperienced riders - walk trot and canter with the reins in loops.... in company and totally uncompetitive (apparently his racing career ended at his first trial - he doesn't have enough aggression to be bothered)


He's a bit thin for my liking at present but should put a bit more fat on now he's on reasonable grazing.

I'm hoping he is fit enough for me to have a ride before I get scheduled for surgery and won't be able to do anything for six weeks.

Why didn't I have the video camera with me

This afternoon I went and fed and watered the chooks (as I do) and collected the eggs, I put them in an empty bread bag. Then decided I would muck out the horse paddock. I then realised I was still holding a bag of eggs so reached back through the gate and put the bag on the ground on the other side - out of harms way I thought...

Looked round a few minutes later to find Calypso, the miniature colt, (aka the cheeky little git) on his knees by the gate with his head under the gate reaching for the bread bag. What's more he got it, and pulled it through under the gate. Started over to take it off him and he got back on his feet, tossed his head and bopped himself round the ears with a bag full of eggs. This obviously irritated him as he tossed his head again and let go of the bag which flew in a perfect parabola into the horse shelter about five metres away. Scrambled eggs of course.

Looked so funny I chuckled for ages.

Shuddup and take ya Prozac

Maybe it is me but life is continuing to be seriously strange.

Rang the hospital this morning, last week they were supposed to discuss my case in a meeting, but I hadn't heard. This was because they didn't bother having the meeting. (this is a work practice I haven't yet tried but has definite merit, I mean we all know how tedious meetings can be) . Said I was still in the dark about how widespread the cancer is and I really wanted to discuss this with someone. I was told that I could be referred to a really competent counsellor who would help me deal with the issues that I was currently facing. Would they have my medical records in front of them then? No but they would be a help to me as I came to terms with being a cancer patient! Arghh help!!!!!!
Currently I feel reasonably sane considering but this isn't helping.

One of the guys at work went round the road to buy his daughter a bed. He walked into the shop, bounced on the bed a couple of times, checked out the price. The conversation went like this:
Bed buying person: Can I have that single bed over there
Shop Assistant: No I don't want to sell that one
BBP: Can I have one like it then
SA: No, we have to order six if we order one and we don't want to order six
BBP: Well I could just have that one since you have that one already
SA: No we need that one for display. You can have that King Single
BBP: At the same price
SA : No at the price marked on it
BBP: Okay but if you don't want to sell any singles why don't you sell the display one.
SA: Because people want to see what is available

Maybe I am crazy and just don't know it....

More on the war on pests

Apart from rabbits there are a few possums coming through from the bush over the road to eat the roses... Possums we can do - no problems, had a lot of practice. Live trap, (not prepared to use a Timms trap with the cats - not only ours but the neighbours) caught possum gets shot or gassed from exhaust fumes... never nice killing anything but it works...

So today I ring the regional council to ask if they have a live trap to loan out. (was never a problem in Nelson).
So fifty questions -
why don't I use a Timms trap (cats)
why don't I get a local guy in who shoots them for the skins to shoot them (some nights there are three some nights there are none - doubt it is worth his time)
why don't I poison them (not happy with poisoned carcases lying round in places we don't know about),
how am I going to kill them (as above)
did I know there was a rabbit problem in the area (yes thanks had noticed)
did I want my rabbits poisoned for a small fee while they were working in the area (no thanks - as above re poisons and is giving the cat something to do)
did I know that if 'my' rabbits reinfested the cleared areas they could charge me for it (yeah right - first you prove they are mine, does the same apply to 'your' possums that are coming into our place? - apparently this little law is not applicable to government - that's nice isn't it...)

FGS - I just want to get rid of a few possums, the stated intention of local government is also to get rid of some possums, we're on the same side here, - can I please have a live trap!!!!!
Well can you collect it within 24 hours of being told it is available? (yes)
There is a deposit (fine)
You can have it for two weeks and then will have to return it (arghh, okay, you win, it's too hard, I don't care, I'll buy a trap, where do I get one?)

He said he would look up the name of the people that supply cage traps and ring me right back - that was this morning..... guess tomorrow I will have a go at finding one for myself.

I have this uneasy feeling I should never have given him my name and address....

#&$$*@ bureaucracy

Oh mighty hunter

Cat 4 Rabbits -4

theres nothing quite like a nice warm spa after a hard afternoon hunting.....




We are a little rabbit infested here. There are several families of
bunnies living in various places round the property. It's a bit
of an issue since we aren't that keen on poisons. Husband was
very taken with a high powered air rifle at the Small Block Expo until
he saw the price tag, so it stayed there.


However Herbie the burmese has taken it upon himself to address the
problem. Over the last week he has had 4 rabbits. Number 1
was only a baby and he left it dead but intact under the dining room
table. Number 2 was slightly bigger but still alive. After his humans
dispatched it for him Herbie didn't like it any more and it was duely
buried. Number 3 was full grown and he neatly beheaded it in our
walk in wardrobe. As I got down on hands and knees to clean the
blood off the carpet I noticed he was also storing two dead mice in the
corner (yum). Number 4 was probably full grown - it was
hard to tell as he had fairly well taken it to pieces in the hall
- not nice.


At this rate we should be all out of rabbits by the end of the
month.... and while I am pleased he is catching them it would be far
more pleasant if he left them outside, and in one piece.

Do not read if you are looking for cheerful….

Thursday 24^th February 2005 was the second worst day of my life.

 

I have only categorized three or four days in order of worst.

 

The worst day of my life was the 13^th of December 2000.  That was the day that I went into surgery to have what they predicted was a  plain ordinary ovarian cyst removed and was woken up some hours later to be advised it was cancer and they had removed long lists of my insides. Literally and figuratively gutted. I was 38 years old – too young to have this happen to me. (however a strong family history of breast cancer should have apparently warned everyone that it could happen to me)  I had some mean and nasty chemo and was declared clear of all visible tumours.

 

In cancer circles they talk about five year survivors. As I passed the four year anniversary I began to plan the five year party when I became an official survivor.

 

Until the second worst day of my life – when they told me my cancer was back.

 

I’m struggling with this at the moment.  I really did believe I had this beaten and it is devastating to find that I haven’t – and to face up to the fact that I probably never will have it beaten, that this time’s treatment might work but there will always be a next time….

 

Over the next week or two they will formulate a plan of what they will do with me. A scan tonight should identify the extent of the recurrence  and then a team of surgeons will decide what the best course of treatment is.  It will probably be fairly fast so there shouldn’t be much time to worry about it.

 

What I really think is SO unfair is If I have to have cancer why can’t I at least be skinny instead of fat?