Saturday, October 01, 2005

I just want some cat food damnit!

Our felines have refined tastes. The stray girl is particularly fussy about what she eats. I think she can read how expensive it is, so anything that might have been on special at the supermarket really isn't edible thank you... in fact she would rather starve. You can tell by the expression on her fastidious little face that she is extremely insulted that you presumed to feed her such junk food, it's enough to make a grown woman (me) cringe under her supercilious gaze.

So our cats eat things that come in small packets or tins, and Iams. (actually they supplement this with the odd freshly dead thing and sometimes something that has been dead for some time, but that doesn't count according to them) Iams is in fact the only dried food they will deign to eat, every thing else is much too suburban for cats of their calibre (over the years the chooks have got to eat a variety of cat food). I've heard the occasional nasty thing about the manufacture of Iams too, and I have told the cats but they don't care.

Anyway we were buying the Iams at one of the petshops in town. Until today. Now I am so irritated that I am never going back there. They have been training their staff. In fact they have been training their staff to be downright nosy. I think I have been into this particular shop five or six times in the last eight months. While I am peacefully browsing round I have, each time, been accosted by a young sales assistant who earnestly offers to help me find whatever I am looking for. When the offer is declined, on the grounds that I am not entirely sure what I am looking for but will know it if I see it, she (as it is invariably a female sales assistant) hangs round asking what sort of animals I have, what are their names, are they any particular breed, how old are they, etc etc. After five minutes of conversation during which I have indicated by my reluctance to answer and my expression that I don't want to relate the entire history of my pets to her I am obliged to give up browsing, grab whatever I went in for, pay for it and leave because I can not concentrate on what I was looking at anyway.

I always wondered if I fitted their profile of a likely shoplifter. I think they have a store policy of asking these things on the grounds that it makes the customer feel important to be able to talk about their animals. It doesn't have that effect on me.

After today I give up. I was in a moderate sort of hurry, so into the shop grab the bag of Iams and am heading towards the counter when ohoh here she comes, standing in my way so I can't get to the counter..
Her: "Hello can I help"
Me: thinks wouldn't have thought it looked as though I was having any problems here with a bag of cat food. "No thanks"
Her: "You must have a cat. What is it's name."
Me: Right if I am vaguely polite for 30 seconds she might get out of my way. "Yes I do have a cat thanks. Actually I have two."
Her: "That's nice, they like having friends don't they."
Me: God what is this playschool? How inane is this.. "no they don't actually, they would both prefer to be only cats if they had a choice."
Her: giggling. "Oh that's sad. Have you got any other pets?"
Me: Trying to sidle past her but she won't move over. "Ummm yes" Immediately think You fool why did you say yes!
Her: " Oh that's nice, what other pets have you got?"
Me: Listen young lady I am old enough to be your mother don't talk down to me... "Oh all sorts, look I'm in a bit of a hurry."
Her: "Oh busy day with all your pets is it." Scarily enough I don't think she is being sarcastic here I think she is dead serious. Obviously she has perceived me to be retarded or something, or perhaps she is...
Me: "Something like that. Excuse me."
Her: following me now "Have your cats been wormed lately..."
Me: "Yes"
Her: "Have they got enough toys."
Me: "Yes" Phew I've got to the counter, maybe she'll go away and annoy someone else.
Her: "Which vet do you take them to?"
As there is a shop assistant on the other side of the counter I hand over the Iams and my credit card and ignore the persistant person at my elbow, who continues...
Her: "Do your other animals need anything? What sort of animals did you say you had again."
Me: " No they don't need anything. " What is it about this girl that she can't get the message?
Her: "are you sure"
Me: "very sure thank you."
She finally gets the idea, spots another hapless customer and leaves with a "nice talking to you."
Me: That's what you think.

That's the end, I am not going back there. I have had enough of playing inane games with silly shop assistants. What is it about me that gives them all the impression I want to tell them all!

Anyone know of a pet shop that doesn't have shop assistants? Maybe I should buy online.


Clods said...

you should print that off, put it in an envelope and send to the manager of the pet shop!

wino said...

Emailed them right after I wrote it actually.

I really must get a life LOL