Just in case you were confused

I've been having a wee tiki tour round the central north island today, Been to T places - Tirau, Tokaroa, Taupo... missed Turangi, might go Friday... I enjoy those sort of days, admiring the countryside, other peoples stock and the idiocycrises of small towns.

I followed the truck in the photo for about 20km, and in the end had to get a photo of it. The small print on the sign says "Anything else could be" A timely reminder since I am not that good at sticking to the speed limit. I blame cars for this - if they weren't meant to go faster than 100kph they shouldn't be able to. (Note too for all my lawlessness the four accidents I have had in my driving life were all at speeds of less than 50kph)

The reason this sign amused me is that he spent most of the time travelling about 20km above the speed limit - must have got an exemption when he got the sign.

Lost my work ethic

The morning has gone like this:

6:30 Get up, shower, dress, get first coffee, feed horses and chooks, I'm gonna start work early today
7:25 Just check my private email before I start work
7:29 Might just have a quick look on the web, after all official work time is 8am
8:16 Oops, check work emails
8:18 Better start with something simple... think about what I will start with for a minute.
8:20 Get a cup of coffee and a piece of toast
8:27 Wipe butter from the keyboard, feed the fish.
8:31 Open appropriate files, gaze at them.
8:36 Check pedometer and do four lengths of the verandah
8:42 Now I'm going to do some work
8:44 Drink coffee brush teeth and take a vitamin
8:46 Look for new batteries for the electric toothbrush
8:51 Replace batteries, brush teeth again, growl at cat who is scratching sofa
8:55 Back to work
8:58 Make more coffee
9:01 Back to work
9:15 That went well... drink coffee, do four more lengths of the verandah, growl at cat again.
9:28 Remember I was going to ring someone. look for their phone number. Clean out my handbag
9:48 Make phone call.
10:00 Morning tea time, have had enough coffee get a cup of orange tea instead.
10:16 Right now I need to do something now
10:32 check the internet for something I need to find out (work related) drop in to see who's blogged today
10:50 Do some more work
11:13 Do six lengths of the house and two of the verandah
11:24 Check the mailbox
11:36 Wonder what I'll have for lunch
11:45 decide to blog about this straight after I've had lunch, checked the emails, read the mail and growled at the cat again
THEN I'M GOING TO WORK ALL AFTERNOON

Just daily dramas.

I had a craving for smoked salmon yesterday. With cream cheese on french bread. I could taste it on my tongue. Nothing else looked edible in comparison. There was nothing for it but to go shopping.

Also needed horse food. So I decided to go to Te Puke rather than Tauranga, pretty much the same distance but less traffic in Te Puke - well that was the theory anyway.

Have never been to the farm stores in Te Puke so I was a bit perplexed when the first two did not stock sugarbeet of any description - bit of a problem as this is Kiwi's staple diet, he loves the stuff. So had to go to the farmstore I never shop at cos I don't like them. They must have noted I don't like them, and I kept my facial expressions carefully neutral too, as two blokes (as in shop 'assistants') watched me heave three 25kg bags of feed into a trolley while offering advise on what brand I should be selecting. Now I know I'm a big strapping girl quite capable of hauling a few feed sacks round.... but... downright rude really. Had to put it in the car myself too. So I still don't like them.

Proceeded out of farm store carpark and to the first roundabout (Te Puke is full of roundabouts) where some idiot who is obviously confused about the new roundabout rules proceeds to go right round the roundabout without indicating at all and then has the cheek to offer me an obscene gesture when I have to brake to avoid him - since I was under the mistaken impression he was going straight ahead. Refrain from road rage... refrain from road rage... breath in, out....

Quick detour round the supermarket to grab that salmon and I find a checkout where the last customers are down to the final five items, and join the queue. This is looking to be going well until the checkout operator rings up the total - 'that will be $165' and they reveal that they have a budget of $90 and start putting things back. So it was a wee wait and I was intrigued at the grocery items that came out of the bags compared to the ones that stayed in. Pizza stays, rice is put back, potato chips remain, frozen vegies taken off the total, I refrain from offering nutritional and budget advice as the bags are half emptied and eventually the total is $88 and some cents. Checkout operator offers her opinion as soon as they have vanished out the door - 'you must know you have spent about twice what you've got - even without a calculator! Did you see all the junk food they kept!'

Someone else tries to navigate the roundabout without indicating as I drive out of Te Puke again. This time I'm ready for it. No gestures either which makes it easier to put up with.

I was only gone a bit over an hour - and they are grading the road again as I get home! Have these guys with the grader got nothing better to do? Surely there is another road in the area that could do with grading more than ours can?

Sometimes it just isn't safe to go out.

Smoked salmon was divine, (the cat thought so too).

How good is my baby?

The spotty little git on the right there (looking shaggier these days)

The farrier came out yesterday and trimmed him while I was still bringing in the other two, in the paddock, without a halter, with no one holding him, and he didn't move a muscle except to pick up the next foot when the last one was put down. Not bad for a 20 month old colt I thought

Bastards

As previously mentioned we live about 5km down a gravel road. But there is actually very little gravel on it, it's mostly dirt. The council has plans to seal it sometime, in fact it is the second highest priority road in the district apparently. That means they will probably do it in about ten years... (okay I'm a cynic).

Most of the time it isn't too bad, as dirt roads go. It gets a few potholes but mostly it's pretty easy driving.

Except the council has taken it into their heads to grade it every three weeks at the moment. So it goes from being a fairly easy road that you can comfortably travel at 80kph on to a slippery, muddy mess that you need to navigate at about 30kph to avoid sliding off it. After they have graded it it takes about a week to settle down again so we get two weeks of good road and then they come along and mess it up again. They have just outdone themselves though, it was graded on Friday, now they have just come back and graded it again.

Just something I was going to mention earlier but forgot

Prompted by reading the wonderfully irreverant Karl's blog... I'm quite addicted to Karl, she's one very amusing lady. I like the horse photos too so if you follow the link make sure you scroll down and have a look at those.

What prompted this was the second paragraph mention of Winston Peters (and I agree with her opinion of him).

We were wandering through Fieldays this year in a crush of far too many people and Winston had a stand. So there he was standing, smiling, immaculate in his navy suit (at least pretty sure it was navy, I actually only glanced at him) with a handful of party supporters, kissing the babies and no doubt discussing immigration. The woman in front of us in the crush went "Oh it's Winston" deserted her husband (well I'm assuming they were married, they looked married) to gravitate towards the stand. Her husband headed in the general direction after her. We moved on about two stands and paused to look at something there that was a little more interesting than your average political candidate and the same couple came back past us a few minutes later. As they passed us the wife was gushing, starry eyed from the meeting.

I caught what she was saying as we went past and had difficulty not laughing out loud. "Hasn't he got the loveliest handshake." she was saying...

The mind boggles at how people may make voting decisions.... and how would you describe a lovely handshake?

On car alarms

A few years ago we knew a bloke that had a fair amount of money - and probably a complex about the size of his genitals - who bought a brand new, top of the line, overpowered, gasguzzling, big boys toy type car. When he bought it he was also in the throes of moving from somewhere to somewhere and was renting a house without a garage so he parked it in the driveway. This suited him fine as the neighbours could all admire this hunk of metal that looked mean enough to make you pause before walking in front of it when it was parked. Of course vehicles of this calibre are highly coveted and often converted so he got a state of the art car alarm fitted. He stopped short of having GPS and an immobilizer fitted but it was a pretty good alarm never the less, the sort you talk about straight after you've finished talking about engine size and horsepower and all that other bloke stuff.

About a month after he got the car the car alarm developed a fault. It kept going off, three or four times a night, every night for four nights. Every time he got up to check there was no sign of any disturbance round the car or anywhere on the property. It was a bit peculiar really because it only did this at night never in his work carpark. He took it in to the alarm speciallists twice over the next four days and they tested the whole lot and insisted that the alarm was fine. On the fifth night the car alarm went off about midnight, he went out, looked round, there was no one there... so he turned the alarm off and went back to bed.

In the morning the car was gone, and it was never seen again. The insurance company got a little bit huffy about the alarm being turned off too - though they paid up eventually.

Husband woke up in a less than cheerful mood due to the neighbours having a loud party until the early hours of the morning. They do this with a little too frequent regularity, but this one went particularly late.

Must be karma (tongue firmly in cheek here) cos about two minutes after husband got up this morning his car alarm developed a fault so was going off every five minutes for half an hour. Darn I hate it when that happens... must be particularly irritating when you've been partying loudly until about three hours before.

A takeover coup?

Back to work this morning. Actually I only lasted till lunchtime then I packed up the laptop and went home, it was too darn cold in there. However I have an eight week project to amuse myself with so will carry on with that, either at work or at home as the mood takes me.

Was a little perturbed to find my office had been taken over in the last few weeks (it was vacant as it should have been three weeks ago when I went in). The takeover bidder had not gone as far as emptying the drawers of my desk but had rearranged computer, left stuff all over my desk, added items to the bookshelf etc. He was not present when I showed up (yes he's one of my staff, and yes it was commonly known I would be back today). So general enquiry eliciting that there was no reason given for this move I packed the whole lot up and dumped it back on HIS desk and got to work. First thing was phonecalls to various people to assure them I was back and working and check what was going on. And the gossip starts "[desk thief] rang me and demanded a pay increase since he was doing your job" said my manager "I told him to go take a running jump as I know who was doing your job and it wasn't him, he went to [GM]"

[GM] said something similar (along the lines of I told him No).

Said individual turned up eventually. "Sorry I didn't tidy up your desk..."

Eyed him up and down and said "you should be." in a reasonably amiable tone of voice. (receptionist who heard this through the door snorted quite loudly)

He found he needed to be out again reasonably urgently.

I'm vastly amused. I was only gone six weeks!

Rants and raves

There are a trail of 'health professionals' on my trail, and some of them are starting to get right up my nose.

I have no trouble with the trial nurse who needs to check up on me fairly regularly, she's bright and breezy, asks sensible questions like how do I feel, what are my symptoms etc.

I can cope with the woman who feels I need to join a support group or two.... no thanks. But they are such fun people she says - still no thanks but I'll think about it. (I have come across a couple of people who belong to all the support groups and they are unable to talk about anyone other than themselves and anything other than their illness and whether they will be alive next year. I cannot stand the thought of being stuck in a room full of people like that - I don't know that they are all like that but not sure I want to take the risk)

The ones that ring me up and tell me that I need to grieve for my loss of health and should get counselling are getting close to being hung up on. They seem to prod at it until they know they have upset me and use this to confirm I need help. Yes I am still upset that I would be in the UK next week if this hadn't happened. Talking it over with someone is not going to make it better, in fact it is going to make it worse - it is best it simmers in the back of my mind until I find some acceptance (and we'll go next year). I am coping perfectly well with a lot of other aspects of life at the moment, and I am trying to get back to the adjusted type of normal - the best I can get it. They don't see this. I may have to get caller display so I can avoid them.

Okay rant over - I'll go and do something less irritating to me.

About time for an update

I'm not actually depressed at the moment but aware often that what is happening in my life is depressing so I feel doubtful about blogging for fear of sounding miserable.

Anyway I had the first dose of chemotheraphy yesterday.
I was given three choices:
1 Not too nasty chemo with about a 60% chance it would work
2 Nastier chemo with a slightly better chance it would work
3 The option to go on a clinical trial where I would get nastier chemo or nastier chemo in conjunction with a new drug which looks good in mice but initial results in humans are only moderately successful.

No one quite believes I did this but I narrowed it down to options 1 or 3 and I tossed a coin. Option 3 came up. Then over the other side of the world they reviewed my scans and bloodtests, decided I was an acceptable guinea pig and tossed another coin to randomise me onto the trial and I came up as part of the control group so I am just getting the nastier chemo cocktail not the new drug. A couple of people have asked cautiously if I am disappointed about this but I am actually not... if that is what happened that is the way it is meant to be for me. A minor bit of good news is the tumour they can measure at the moment on scans (there are a lot of bits that aren't showing up in scans) has not grown since the last scan in early May, (and fingers crossed it starts getting smaller soon) .

I'm starting back at work next week, once I get over the three or four days of yuk that goes with chemo, but think I will work mostly from home for a while. Home is a good place to work, home is just a good place to be!

Mingling with the farming community

Fieldays

We went yesterday. The weather more or less held together, there wasn't too much mud, there were a whole heap of people... We wandered round for hours and then had to do a circuit again to buy all the things we had noted on the way but didn't want to carry.

I am in love with miniature cattle. However the price tag is too scary to contemplate. These were the size of a large dog, looked like tiny highland cattle. Soooo cute!

Got waylaid at serveral saddlery places - can't resist a special... so stocked up on lead ropes, halters, hay nets, worming pastes, covers and ummmm a saddle - a tiny wee mini horse sized saddle that was soooo cheap (and I am having some small regrets that I didn't buy another one as well which was a third of it's normal price).

Also got some plants to thicken out the shelter belts some more. And some other stuff of a minor nature.

Looked at tractors of all sizes, quadbikes, farm buildings, stock underpasses, fencing, watertroughs, clothing, tools, watertanks, trailers, horsefloats, and machinery with obscure uses.

Exhausting but fun

Orange ribbon week

http://www.fedfarm.org.nz/media%20releases/PR0882005.html

The nomad bus

The nomad bus. Husband built this...(well he did the conversion from bus to motorhome) however he can't claim any credit for the paint job which was done by a very talented man in Christchurch and is amazing. Bus owner tells us that the attention is a bit boring at times - people always ask if they can get a photo of it.

This 'n' that

No intentional neglect here, just stuff has kept happening lately. Coupled with the diminished mobility/ energy as I work on getting back to normal my brain has turned to mush and I haven't been able to think of a single thing (either intelligent or stupid) to say.

So here is a brief catchup.

For starters we've had some nomads in a bus parked in the back yard for a week. Lovely to see them but glad they have gone... not that they were any trouble, they even weeded some garden and did some housework, I'm just an antisocial cuss. I might post a photo of the nomad bus later - it's very impressive and a work of art in its own right.

Close friend's father died last week too in Christchurch. Not unexpected but sad nonetheless. This was a man who treated us as part of his family, loaned us his holiday home and boat, taught my children to fish, waterski and drive the boat, told us off for our dissolute habits and gave out sage advice. Husband has gone to the funeral today. I contemplated being there but am not sure I have the energy to see it through at the moment. It's also the second anniversary of my father's death this week so I'm a bit contemplative about life and death at the moment.

I am working on getting round more as I want to go to Fieldays on Friday. Not sure if I am up to that much walking yet or not but guess I can sit myself down at a stand if it gets tiring. I am okay wandering round for an hour or two at a time.

Chooks have finally gone off the lay for the winter and we have no eggs (darn it). One of the cows got under the hotwire in one paddock and trimmed the recently planted shelter belt in that paddock (double darn it) and the littlest horse trimmed his girlfriends tail very short so she is going to look a bit silly in the show ring this summer.

Life's like that I guess.

Insular

I like being by myself... I don't get scared alone in the dark (much anyway) I like solitary and bordering on antisocial pursuits - reading, writing, scrapbooking, gardening, solitary horse grooming sessions. I like riding alone, walking alone, I used to jog with only a dog for company. A package tour holiday with the same 30 people for 10 days would drive me demented. I choose to live where the neighbours can't see into my windows, I work best in an enclosed office rather than an open plan one.

Most of the time I am moderately happy to have some human interaction in my day, but if I go a day or two without seeing anyone it doesn't upset me. Happily I have a husband with a similar outlook so we can be antisocial together.

The 'people people' I know find this disconcerting, as if contentment with aloneness is some sign of psychological disturbance. It is good for me to go out apparently. It is equally good for people I know only vaguely to come and keep me company....

They mean well - they just don't understand that I am quite comfortable with solitude.

Let me live up to my name - Wino that is...

Had someone else tell me today I should get counseling to help me deal with the stuff in my life that I have difficulty dealing with....

Hic.... bugger that. Two (big) glasses of wine, a chat on the phone to a friend that always makes me laugh and my problems aren't that important. Let me go and get another glass, and spend a little more time on that post I have been formulating for a while 'Why counseling can make you feel worse than you already did'

I'll get back to you with that.

Dreaming

In the last week I have been having weird (as in not nice) and frequent dreams. I'm guessing it's the drugs...

So three or four times a night I wake up having dreamt of being in a car accident, opening my credit card statement to find big charges I haven't made, of one of my children dead, the stock attacked by dogs, a bulldozer running amok through the house and others. Now I am not of a nervous disposition normally, anything that is not an immediate threat is really not worth worrying about in my mind (and all insurance premium payments are up to date).

I've just spent a while looking up a couple of dream analysis sites. And all these dreams indicate that I have a feeling of having lost control, and have real and deepseated fears that I am having trouble addressing.

Maybe that is the standard reply to all bad dreams. Or remarkable accuracy.

Roll on better dreams.

A room with a view

Have just got back from a five day stay in a ninth floor Auckland room with amazing views of the harbour and the skytower. I even had this fabulous room to myself and it had an ensuite. I only wish I had thought to take the camera.

The room service sucked though and the cost of staying included feeling like I had been run over by a truck, and some interesting staple effects in my stomach.

They didn't manage to kill me while under anaesthetic, but I don't think they did a lot of good either, they didn't remove a great deal of the cancer which has now spread.

So it's on to chemo. It's not over by a long shot.

Nominated as the best short joke of the year....

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."

It never rains but it pours

SEVERE WEATHER WARNING.
ISSUED BY MetService AT 5:52 pm 18-May-2005

FURTHER HEAVY DOWNPOURS LIKELY FOR COROMANDEL PENINSULA, BAY OF PLENTY AND ABOUT MT TARANAKI A moist northeasterly flow covers the North Island with a trough expected to cross northern areas overnight. The trough is likely to bring further heavy downpours and thunderstorms to Coromandel Peninsula and Bay of Plenty through to late Thursday morning, with another 60 to 100mm possible, especially west of Kawerau. The heavy rain about Mt Taranaki should ease overnight, however another 100mm is possible about higher slopes through to the early hours of Thursday morning. People in these areas are advised to be on the alert for rapidly rising rivers and the potential for further flooding. More rain is likely about the parts of Gisborne and Hawkes Bay through to Thursday afternoon, but amounts are not expected to reach warning criteria, with only 30 to 40mm possible about the ranges.


It definitely rained. It poured down at home last night but had settled into a steady rain when I went to work. Got into town and it was bucketting down. Checked the building for leaks but it appears that the last lot of repairs are holding up. And it continued raining - rather a lot. Wasn't particularly unpleasant, not cold and little wind, just torrential straight down rain.

Didn't think too much about it until I went out about 11am. Rivers down the roads and some pretty big puddles, rather deep too. Collegue went home for lunch and reported he couldn't drive into his place - had to park up the road and paddle - and he came back with photos on his cellphone of his local pub sitting in the middle of a deep looking pond with water half way up to the windows (guess they won't be doing their usual smorgasbord tonight) and the nearby retirement home had been evacuated. Then we heard they had closed the harbour bridge and some houses had fallen off the hill at Otomoetai, cars had been abandoned in Welcome Bay, sister-in-law had to wade through waist deep water to collect the children from school. 309 mm of rain fell in the last 24 hours apparently and they expect another 120mm tonight. They have announced a 24 hour state of emergency.

Left my car in town and went home with husband in the 4WD as we weren't sure how bad our gravel road would be (actually gravel is a misnomer there isn't any gravel on it only mud) but it wasn't that bad. Suspect we didn't have that much rain at our place.

Nature is tough when you least expect it.