Thursday 24th February 2005 was the second worst day of my life.
I have only categorized three or four days in order of worst.
The worst day of my life was the 13th of December 2000. That was the day that I went into surgery to have what they predicted was a plain ordinary ovarian cyst removed and was woken up some hours later to be advised it was cancer and they had removed long lists of my insides. Literally and figuratively gutted. I was 38 years old – too young to have this happen to me. (however a strong family history of breast cancer should have apparently warned everyone that it could happen to me) I had some mean and nasty chemo and was declared clear of all visible tumours.
In cancer circles they talk about five year survivors. As I passed the four year anniversary I began to plan the five year party when I became an official survivor.
Until the second worst day of my life – when they told me my cancer was back.
I’m struggling with this at the moment. I really did believe I had this beaten and it is devastating to find that I haven’t – and to face up to the fact that I probably never will have it beaten, that this time’s treatment might work but there will always be a next time….
Over the next week or two they will formulate a plan of what they will do with me. A scan tonight should identify the extent of the recurrence and then a team of surgeons will decide what the best course of treatment is. It will probably be fairly fast so there shouldn’t be much time to worry about it.
What I really think is SO unfair is If I have to have cancer why can’t I at least be skinny instead of fat?
2 comments:
LOL look at the lurkers my blog has! Nice to see you RTB.
Thank you all guys. I actually emailed that post on Monday night and didn't come back to it til today - to find it was lost in cyberspace for a couple of days Guess I wasn't meant to let you know any earlier...
I've sort of dealt with a lot of the emotional side of it in the meantime - a lot quicker than I did the first time which literally took months. It still sucks but there is not a single thing anyone can do to magic it into not happening, so best I just get on with it...
I'm not actually feeling quite that tough about it but am capable of a rational discussion about it a lot of the time now.
BB - sorry chick I intend to be selfish and have this all alone so you will have to be fine *grin* Good luck with your scan - hopefully they will find something innoculous like diviculitis (sp?).
And yeah - I'll keep you informed - have a feeling it will be a large part of my life for the next few months.
Chin up Wino! While can none of us know exactly what you are going through unless we have done it ourselves..we can imagine. I can get close to the truth of it having had a son go through it. We are all with you, beside you, and around you and if you ever need to talk ..I am a darn good listener :-)
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